There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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