what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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