your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
