Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We need a shit load of segways right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
