He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
