I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
