you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
