You just made me feel so damn special
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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