I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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