you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
