this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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