i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
is that a dick in a sweater?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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