when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think my fart just growled at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
