I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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