Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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