yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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