Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
