I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
