i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
