the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
