I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
