We won't sleep together?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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