just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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