You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
