I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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