You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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