It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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