Nicole vs. Life
Non-Jews are for practice
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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