recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
