I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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