I'm lost and stupid without you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
