Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
