She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You smell like stripper and shame
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
