Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
