apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
