it wasn't lemon gatorade
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
