other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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