So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
