I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
