I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
