I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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