he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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