So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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