I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
