I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
