i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
