I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
