Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
