PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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