You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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