Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
