I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
