All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
