maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
