RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
