I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
