My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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