Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
