i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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