ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We're too hungover to prance.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
