so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
