Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
